Friday, December 26, 2008

From the vault:: O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree, Oh Crap!

Written at Christmastime 2006 (small disaster magnet, 'm telling you!) I am so excited I found this,, I hadn't saved it, so I was psyched to find it where I had posted it online!

O Christmas Tree..O Christmas Tree...O crap!

Have you ever had one of those weeks? You know- one of those weeks where all kinds of random stuff just goes wrong?

Last week- our batrhoom faucet broke, a pipe under the house sprung a leak, the showerhead was dripping down back inside the wall, my tire kept going flat...and we were over drawn by about a dollar which ended up costing us about $100 for the 24 hour period our bank account was screwed up.

So I had the brilliant idea that this year we would just put up a fake tree. I knew there was one in a box up in the attic that my MIL had bought one year for probably a quarter (it doesn't really matter for her what it is- if it is super cheap she''l buy it- and probably 10 more just because it's a good deal). Usually my husband and kids go out into our woods and find a cedar tree and cut it down-- but I thought since everything had been so nuts- it really might be so much easier this year just to have the fake tree.

My husband got the box out of the attic. He opened it-- there were two pieces....which together stood about 3 feet high The kids were heroic in being good sports about the idea that this was to be our tree for the year. My husband put some lights and garland on it, and had the kids hang a few ornaments- and then moved it to their bedroom and put it on top of their dresser. They were thrilled.

But- we now kind of had to cut a tree. There was one not too far from the house that seemed like it would do. On Sunday morning my husband went out to cut it, only to discover that it was covered in fire ants. It's been like 70+ degrees here and those buggers have come out in full force to enjoy it. After he battled them, he wrestled the tree into the stand--none of which are made for Southern Christmas trees- the cedar trunks are so skinny they don't fit on the prongs properly. So the tree turned out to be rather tippy- but he thought he had it all under control.

Eventually- the lights and garland are hung- and today the kids hung the ornaments. I kept thinking the tree seemed kinda crooked- but didn't really want to say much about it- knowing that my husband already had about 10 man hours into dealing with this tree.

Fast forward to tonight: very pregnant mommy home alone with her four little the entire tree begins to topple!!! I dove under it to hold the stand down..and instructed my son (who is 9) to call his dad at work. He works retail and it is totally nuts there- my son got hung up on after waiting on hold twice! Finally he got my husband on the phone- who told my son he'd call him back! Meanwhile preggo is lying sprawled across the floor holding the tree up- every time I try to manuever the tree to stand better, it would lurch forward.

My brain was totally fried after I had just spent like two hours baking these stupid cookies- for which I had the brilliant idea that it would be much easier to use the cookie gun--which was totally non cooperative and caused me to spend so much extra time trying to get it to work. I finally gave up on it and just rolled and pressed the cookies by hand. I could NOT think of a viable solution to the tree tipping problem.

Finally my husband called back- and through my son my husband tried to tell me to do the 10 things I had already tried to no avail. So he ended up driving home-- and relieving his wife from her 30 minute sting as a Christmas tree stand. He got the tree kind of propped up-- and at least out of immediate danger...

But oh my gracious! If it wasn't so just cotton pickin' hilarious I think I would just be curled up fetal position and moaning....

If you have read this far--and you have a story-- would you please share one of your own Christmas fiascoes? I really need to commiserate!

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